


Thursday (fake happy)

by euphoriaseoks



Series: Weekdays (this tasteless Haze) [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Based on Reality, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide, The Author Is Sad And Sorry, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoriaseoks/pseuds/euphoriaseoks
Summary: In a different universe, an alternated timeline, they talk it out.In reality, Dan has screwed up so badly that there is no solution, no rescue for what once was and what could have been.





	Thursday (fake happy)

**Author's Note:**

> So... it's 4am and i felt a lot like writing this.  
> I'm sorry.

In a different universe, an alternated timeline, they talk it out.

They sit, and Dan apologises for what he’s done, for how badly he’s fucked it up. He apologises for pushing Phil away because really, Phil could not have known about Dan’s feelings. _He didn’t know,_ Dan reminds himself, and then apologises for everything. He repeats the word “sorry” about fifty-seven times and admits to his reasons for shutting Phil out. He tells him about the feelings he’s harboured and the pain it had caused him to see Phil, the man he loved, with someone else. How badly it had hurt him to see him slip away, and how he had thought abandoning everyone before he himself could be abandoned had been the best idea, at that point.

Maybe there’s a happy end. Maybe Phil is suddenly hit with the realisation that he loves Dan too, has always loved him and just used Lucas as a mechanism to deal with the impending feelings, hiding right beneath the surface.

Maybe they try dating, for the sake of Dan’s happiness and their friendship, because those are the most important things to Phil, even after everything. Maybe it works out, maybe it does not.

Maybe though, maybe it’s a losing game. Maybe Dan’s confession ruins everything, cuts the last string tying them together. Maybe this talk is what shows Phil that he’s better off without Dan and with somebody else.

 

In reality, in their universe, the real timeline, all of Dan’s dreams slip away. Reality looks like this: after weeks of Dan retracting into his metaphorical shell and leaving Phil to wonder what he has done wrong, after an eternity of silence, Phil breaks, and breaks all contact, and breaks Dan, and breaks the last, tiny bit of Dan’s will to live.

In reality, Dan has screwed up so badly that there is no solution, no rescue for what once was and what could have been.

But then, as he lies on his floor, his body violently shaking, extremities contracting and the blood that’s dripping from his wrists staining the white carpet beneath him, then Dan hopes that maybe, in reality, Phil can forgive him. And as his eyes roll back into his head, his body falls limp and his last breath rushes past his lips, Dan’s last hope on Phil, and his very last thought is “I am sorry, please forgive me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry, okay? I know what I've done.
> 
> (also, unlike poor Daniel in this, i am quite unfortunately, still alive. Don't worry.)


End file.
